"We don't live in a magazine." And that's "lif."
Let me start with why I'm opening up today. My friend Maya of Charmingly Styled has started a movement called #RealBloggerBeauty and is urging the blogger community to open up about some of the pressures, insecurities and tribulations of having an online persona.
My biggest insecurity is with the images I create for the blog. Especially with recipes. In the last few months I have poured a lot of time and energy into learning how to take prettier pictures. But. Don't for one second think that's what our meals look like!
The serving pieces only come out for pictures and parties. Even meals that have to be assembled are only done so nicely for the pictures.
I haven't done a home tour yet (on my 101 in 1001 list) mostly because we actually LIVE in our house and there are piles of mail and crumbs and laundry all around. I'm constantly rearranging items to try and get the best shot for Instagram but just out of frame is a dish towel, a dirty coffee mug, an old grocery list and an iPad charger. So while I have created a nice shot for Instagram's square the rest of my life does not look like a magazine. And most days, I don't want it to. It is a lot of pressure to have the house that tidy and organized and put together. I'll never be the mom with the "white couch" that can't be touched.
I often look through my Instagram feed and at the images posted on my favorite blogs and have to remind myself that they have meticulously styled the subject for the shoot, have professional level lighting equipment and fancy cameras they know how to use. And I bet their houses are cluttered most of the time too.
Even if you're not a blogger I'm sure looking at all our photos can stir feelings of inadequacy when looking at your kitchen counter! I hope I can make you believe me when I say that most of us don't actually live that way! And that's "Lif."*
*Lif. = adj.
Def. a term used endearingly between my best friend and I to describe those moments when you're a penny short, or your right arm pit is sweating way more than the left. Basically whenever it should be easy for life to be easy and go according to plan but then it just doesn't.
Origin. A note passed in a COM201 course, discussing a penny short scenario and the response was "Lif." Instead of "life." And the moment was just too perfect so the term stuck.
My fellow bloggers that have shared amazing stories. (http://www.charminglystyled.com/2014/06/realbloggerbeauty.html) After reading a few of them this morning I pulled the post back to draft form and am addressing some of the really tough things about blogging and the stuff that never makes it up there. The part in italics is my "afterwards".
For every Pin out there of the quote "Comparison is the thief of Joy" I've compared myself to other girls and other bloggers twice. That's a lot. I can't seem to kick the habit of looking at others and seeing everything that they have and being envious and creating a list of all the things I don't. Or by saying "If I could just do this like her I'd be perfect."
Some examples:
If I would just lose the weight, I could be a big style blogger.
If I could afford a studio and the supplies for projects, I could be a big DIY blogger.
If I felt more comfortable in my own skin, people would take me seriously and want to support me. And I'd be inspiring them to feel more comfortable and inspire them to make the most out of everyday.
(queue tears, and feelings of being a fraud, how can I inspire others to make the most of everyday if I'm wallowing around wishing I were skinnier, more talented and more comfortable in my own skin)
Blogging is such a strange thing. We put ourselves out there and measure our success buy the number of comments, likes on instagram, followers on twitter. It feels like high school all over again and I am remembering why I was so anxious to get to college! While I would love to just blog and write about what I want to do, I also want to reach a level where I am a trusted resource as a blogger because I've now started a business to be a blog coach. My livelihood literally relies on people thinking that I know what I'm doing! I promise that I do, but like all of us, I have my insecurities and my clients will be much better off doing what I say and not necessarily as I do.
There is a fair amount of rejection in blogging too. PR companies or brands don't always think your post or site is right for them (even though you've poured your heart into a pitch). Some bloggers get invited to events that I wish I were "cool enough" to go to. Even though I know that I'd rather stay home with Danny and watch a movie most nights instead of going out, the thought still flashes through my mind that I wasn't good enough to get invited to this event.
I'm not sure how to transition to this but Danny and I have been together for almost eight years and we've only "broken up" once. For less than 48 hours. The reason? I was spending so much of my time with him complaining. I'd complain about clothes not fitting, my roommates doing something dumb, my job, my lack of time management skills. Basically, I was just complaining all the time about how me and my Lif. were not perfect and it wore him down. He said to me "If you're not going to do anything to change it, do not complain about it to me." So, it took me all of a day and a half of listening to the saddest break-up songs and not telling anyone besides my Mom that we'd broken up to go back and admit that he was completely right.
Those two days were game changing for me. I realized that I had the power to create the narrative around situations I found myself in. If I didn't have anything in my closet that fit, I either needed to hop on the diet train or go buy new pants. If the people I was surrounding myself with were not making me happy, I could leave. If I wasn't feeling in control of my schedule, I was the only one who could slow down, make a list and then tackle it.
Wanting to be perfect for other people has been something I've struggled with forever. And blogging plays right into that. I get to choose the best recipes, the non-blurry images, the most successful DIY projects. But behind the scenes, I'm human and my everyday lif. is a lot like yours! I'm still learning to create the narrative in a positive light for my own situations (I'm very good at being a silver lining person for other people!) and more importantly, I'm learning to give myself credit for the positive narrative!
Hopefully I haven't made blogging sound terrible!! I really do love it and for every negative thought that flashes in my mind, I have plenty of fun and have made some fantastic friends through this online adventure. I admire what my peers are doing, the content they're creating, the effort they're putting into it. I'll continue to work on tuning out the naysayer in my own head. I'll continue to remind myself that "Lif." is pretty wonderful and the imperfections are what make us interesting!
